When I hear women talk about how trifling their man is, what they did when they caught him being unfaithful, how they felt when they were blinded-sided with a five-finger slap, what he does and says in front of their children, I listen in shock and scratch my head in confusion because I just don’t understand why a woman would stay with such an awful man. It’s something I really don’t understand.
See, even before I got married, I never dated a guy who hit me. A man has NEVER hit me. Now cheated on, sure I was cheated on. But I am NOT with those men who did that. I knew how to draw the line and I knew what my worth was. And I knew when I walked away that it was their loss and not mine. But I never gave up on men. I was never the kind of woman who said, “All men are dogs!” I never believed that. I don’t like when women even say that. You can’t be that bitter to allow ONE BAD MAN to spoil your outlook on them all. I would never give a rotten man that much power over my perspective.
So I remained optimistic that one day I would meet my prince charming. I knew I was a princess and I just believed it was a matter of time before one day my knight would shine. So today, I dedicate this post to my knight –my King-Rudolph Smith.
I have been with my husband for nine years. In that time, I have seen people get married and divorced, two or three times. I have been asked how have we made it work. And to that I say, there is no MAGIC formula but there is a MUTUAL understanding.
For one, there is a mutual respect. People love to say that all black women do is cuss and fuss. Well, I don’t fuss and cuss my husband out. He deserves respect and that’s what I give him. He holds up his end of the bargain and takes care of his family and loves us with all his heart and I do the same. If I have something to say that I disagree about, I talk to him and he listens and we resolve it. Sometimes it takes time to resolve it, but we dedicate ourselves to the cause and work it out. That’s it. No reason to fuss and cuss. YES IT’S THAT SIMPLE PEOPLE. It has worked for nine years so far. And besides, are women really that small-minded to believe that cussing and fussing solves anything or changes a man? It doesn’t. There are two important things that all women should know: you can’t trap a man by having a baby. (Still women keep trying) And if cuss a man out, he’ll walk out! I learned early on that I wouldn’t do either one.
Another thing is, my husband is just really a REAL man. It has a lot to do with what kind of man he is and how he was raised. It’s not in him to treat me bad. He’s very kind and he never complains. His father was a marine and his mother is a devout Jehovah’s Witness to this day. His father who is deceased, taught him to be a responsible man. He was taught to take care of his family and don’t bitch about it. He goes to work, comes home every night and unlike a lot of other men, HE DOESN’T EVEN DRINK!! So thank God, I don’t have to worry about him hanging out at the bar. His mother is a very kind and sweet-natured woman. I clearly see where my husband gets his temperament. He is very calm to my upbeat personality. I have even learned from him how to bring it down a couple notches! His mother and father were married for years until his father passed from cancer 6 years ago. I truly believe being raised in a home with a man had a profound impact on my husband. I remember when I dated him I couldn’t even meet his mother until we were really serious! He treats him mom with the love and respect you want to see from a man. Because that is when you KNOW that he will treat you the same way.
And the real key ingredient to our relationship is that we are friends. We talk to each other like we are best buddies.
He listens to me and that really matters. There’s more to keeping a good relationship going, but the bottom line is that there’s a mutual respect and love for one another that truly works like glue and keeps our relationship intact. And the fact that this GOOD man found a GOOD woman. This is truly a match made in heaven. So women, there ARE good men out there, but the hard question is, if you do find one, would you KNOW how to KEEP him? Hmmm….
Happy Father’s Day Rudy!