If your kid hates you, it just means you’re doing something right. But it still hurts.
I really feel sorry for talk show host Wendy Williams because she’s feeling the brunt of a boy who’s growing up, and revealed on her show that her teenage son, Lil Kevin “hates” her. She was talking about a story where Madonna was seen with her son Rocko and they seemed like they were best buddies and she said Madonna’s son adores his mom.
Wendy cried openly to her audience she calls co-hosts, and was comforted by “oohs” and “aahs” of understanding from mothers like me who’s been there at the bowels of hell when your teenage kid despises everything about you and would rather you die than give them another dose of motherly advice. Raising a teen is not child’s play.
I’m wearing a few war scars from raising my daughter Kaelani. And while she’ll be 21 next month and we are now in a good place with our relationship, I’m sure I aged a bit while bringing her up! (Love you Kae!)
But let’s remember we all were teens. And at some point we all didn’t want our uncool parents hanging around, wiping our faces with their spit and slathering grease on our ashy face in front of our friends. Yuck. *Insert eye roll* Parents are a pain in the ass. Me included. We love hard, will cut someone with the tongue quick if they come for our kids and we’ll defend them even when they’re wrong and lay that whoop-ass on them later. From the moment we give birth, we are momma bears, protectors and we hold our baby in our arms while lifting up hopes and dreams of what we want them to be. Our seeds have blossomed and our loving words, no matter how annoying, is their Garmin to get them through life.
But they don’t see it like that. They don’t see how hard you have to work, back-aching, dealing with bull on a daily basis, breaking nails while trying to break down glass ceilings, all to give them a life they can’t even appreciate. Some mothers are on welfare, struggling to feed that same child’s mouth who will use it to one day say they hate the person with the hand that has fed them. Motherhood is deep. It’s emotional. And it ain’t for punk-ass parents. But just know when your kids approach those dreaded teen years, every battle is not yours. Be easy. Take a step back and let your kids breathe a little. Easier said than done, right. Check out these tips of what to do when you get to the point where your kids hate you:
- Compromise – Learn this word well. When it comes to teenagers, you’re going to have to compromise a bit. You’ve got a kid who’s trying hard to find themselves and they need room to grow and blossom without being smothered. That doesn’t mean to let your kid do whatever. No way. We don’t want that. Because that could leave breeding room for bad friends and trying drugs. But give them room to grow, learn and belong.
- Be Non-Judgmental –If every time your kid comes to you with a problem, you have a finger pointing and say, “I told you so,” along with nagging about it, then you’ll soon find that your kid will start distancing themselves from you. Try to be understanding and a little non-judgmental when your kids opens up about an issue. That way you keep an open line of communication and you will be their first line of defensive and the first people they defer to when there is a problem. And that’s what you want!
- Be Understanding – Your kid doesn’t want you to be their friend. They have enough friends. They NEED you to be their parent whether you realize it or not. But be understanding. They WANT to hang with their friends– not you. They want to do activities that DOES NOT include you. They want to have some freedom without feeling like they are back-stabbing you. Yes it will make you cry (hopefully not publicly) but just know this is a part of the growing process. Even though I feel sorry for Wendy she just did a big cardinal no-no, publicly embarrassed her kid. Now I’m sure he’ll be hiding from his mom so he doesn’t have to feel the guilt of making her cry again. It’s sure to go downhill from here. At least until he turns 20.