Did I just have a conversation with a guy who basically balked at the fact that my husband is a strong provider of my family? This guy side-eyed the fact that I have an old-school man who works hard to bring home the bread, slice it up for us to eat and serves up some sides without so much as a whimper.
A man who carries his family like a true CHAMPION NEEDS to be celebrated!
I’m speaking metaphorically here but you get what I’m saying. My husband is a strong provider and the breadwinner in our family, even though I do make my own money as the Editor of HealthyMommyHappyBaby.com and as a blogger. But in a discussion on Facebook yesterday on my cousin’s page, (I won’t mention her name) she stated that she wanted to have a nice, small wedding, but her boyfriend quickly objected and rejected the idea because he was pinching on the purse-strings.
Her boyfriend gave her the ultimatum to either have a wedding or put that money toward a home and a car. But I chimed in and said why can’t she have it all? I got all three: a wedding, a new home and cars. And I then said to her that maybe if she can’t have it all then she needs to say BYE to the non-baller, whoever that may be. (I was kiddin but NOT kiddin…)
Why do women have to shortchange themselves? Why should she? If he can’t afford to support her in what she wants and what she dreams and long for then why won’t he work harder to make it happen? Hmmm… Just my thoughts.
Mind you, I married someone who could afford to buy me things and could afford for me to have 4 kids with him and afford for us to eat with the food he buys, wash our bodies with the running water we pay for and cook with the electric that heats up our stove. Not only that but he FILLS UP MY HEART with love and completes me in every way imaginable –from my hair follicles to my toenails.
I had plenty of options before I met him to marry or shack up with mediocre dudes who could do nothing more than cry about what they didn’t have or couldn’t buy me. And I’ve even been married before to someone who couldn’t buy me a bucket of dirt, and it ain’t worth it! Experience teaches you to DO BETTER. But I digress.
Anyhoo, the conversation on Facebook then went far left when the guy pretty much stated that my life was a lie. A fairytale because men these days DON’T provide everything for their family. This is the point where I instructed him to come to THIS blog and read through the archives about my life because I don’t have to lie about a damn thing.
Hmm… Let me see… I’m sitting in a 4-bedroom, 3-bath house (CHECK!) my lights, electric and water is on (CHECK!) I’m not in foreclosure (CHECK!) and I have an SUV and a Volvo sitting in the driveway (DOUBLE CHECK!) (And wait, just a few weeks ago I threw my husband a surprise birthday party that he had no idea I was throwing because um, *Clears my throat* I make my own money.) Hmmm. A lie? I wonder how the mortgage gets paid every month. I guess through magic. *shrugs*
My point is why should my cousin, a beautiful woman who could get any man she wanted — settle? And there’s clearly a gutter-culture out there that’s about this hip-hop mindset that women need to do for themselves without the help of a husband or very little help. I agree that a women should bring something to the table and not just have her hand out and legs open. And these days the average family needs two incomes to make things work.
But real men pull up their sagging pants and go to WORK and provide for their families unconditionally without bitching and moaning about what they don’t have. A real man makes sure his woman and their children are WELL provided for. And if that means working overtime to make more money. Then so be it. And if that means going back to school to get a degree or more education to secure a higher paying job, then that’s what that man needs to do. My husband was in his 40s when he finally secured a Bachelor’s degree. He’s an Engineer and would have never secured his current job without that piece of paper.
Being a real man and a provider and having a great heart doesn’t make a man weak– it makes him a MAN. Anything else is child’s play. My cousin’s boyfriend tried to take a shot at my husband saying basically that I wear the pants. Well if I do they certainly are Versace pants while you get your girlfriend’s pants from the Thrift Store. Boom!
But on the real, our young men need real men in their lives to show them how things are really done. I believe his thought-process is a product of what he’s seen in his life. Perhaps he’s never seen a real man step up and handle his business and take care of his family by leaps and bounds. Perhaps he’s only seen the women around him scraping and struggling while their men hustle on the streets, or spend time in jail or hang out with their boys and come home to do nothing more than play John Madden. Perhaps he’s seen the men in his life stretch their dollars to support multiple baby mamas. I don’t know what his experiences are. But I do know that his mindset is messed up. And it’s a clear indication that our men of today have minds that are muffled by mental slavery. Black men have to stand up and declare themselves as head of the household. That role needs to be restored to black men and that restoration of black men would also lead to the restoration of ways in which they should treat black women.
I would like to introduce this young man to BlackandMarriedWithKids.com an award-winning website that outlines the beauty of black relationships and marriage. This young man obviously doesn’t know there is a whole WORLD of happy black, successful couples out there who are doing amazing things. And not everyone is broke, and crying about their bills!!
A person has to extend their mind beyond the mess they see in the community.
Check out this article What To Look For in the Search for Lasting Love
You know, I feel like there are folk who don’t want others to be happy (ie the man you won’t name, let’s call him HATERATION). And instead of believing they actually are, they would rather call foul. But I think if more people paid attention to their issues, their lives, their mates, etc., then maybe some work can be done. Facebook and social media can give people perceptions, good and bad. And it is hard to decipher status updates when SOME folk perpetrate. Which is why, even online and on FB, etc., I keep my circle small, and my faction tight. If you KNOW me, you truly know the deal. If not. keep it moving.
Men do need REAL men in their lives to put them up on game. I truly believe that as a mother of a son. Manhood is more than taking a wife and making babies, and unfortunately, MOST men haven’t been shown the proper role models. We ALL need to work to ensure our men grow up to be real men, and not just point fingers. Because in order for things to change, it’s going to take massive work.
Almost no one seems to care about raising young men anymore. Certainly not the mainstream media or the government. It’s ALL about promoting homosexuality now. That’s it.
I def think it’s MORE than that. And as far as homosexuality. I do believe to let people be who they are. If they are gay, then so be it. But I do wish men would step up to the plate and take care of home like things — USED to be and not view it as a weakness. Thanks for commenting
AMEN!!! Preach!! I love your perspective on this Danyelle! And it gets my goat when like you said people cal foul on everybody else because their life is a farce. It’d going to take MEN to show their sons how NOT to be boys! And we all know the uphill battle with that! Thanks for stopping by!