Meet Sadness: Chick-fil-a’s New Crusty & Sad Kale Salad

It’s a dream deferred wrapped in disappointment and despair.

I want to fit into a bikini by summer and thought I’d stop by Chick-Fil-A to pick up their highly anticipated kale salad.as a sidekick to help me on my weight loss journey. My mouth was salivating because frankly I’m a kale connoisseur. Unlike many, I really love Kale and was glad one of my favorite eateries was  now serving up a new Kale salad which was like a dream come true.

Instead my dream turned into a nightmare when I received my Kale salad in a SMEDIUM — not so medium — bowl of despair and disappointment. It was a waste of a perfectly good plastic bowl too. Some macaroni and cheese could have been smothered in there or that ooey-gooey good sweet potato souffle could have found a home in that plastic bowl. But instead Chick-fil-a doused my dreams and indeed deferred them by serving this.

I picked up my salad in the drive-through but it felt like my tongue got hit in a drive-by with buck shots of salad sadness. The Kale salad tasted like wet trees and Flint Michigan tainted river water. My inside are crying, not from the fat laying willy-nilly on my intestines but because I held up my fat’s high hopes of one day dissolving by allowing this roughage ruin its chance of breaking the chains to be free and shrink away. Their fat feelings are fraught with hurt and so are mine.

Ok, that’s a bit overdramatic but listen, I believed in Chick-fil-a because they are committed to quality service with their oh-so-cheerful employees and solid Christian values. But even Jesus would build a fence to keep away from the angst inside that teeny bowl of burden they laid down. My tongue and teeth are not tenacious enough to chew that terrible remix of Kale, broccoli, secret dressing and crusty raisins and whatever else was inside.

This is the Kale Salad

It’s the Grinch that stole my hopes of eating healthy.

Chick-fil-a, how could you hurt your faithful chicken eating parishioners by serving this dollop of disappointment? Even those ornery cows wouldn’t tell us to eat more of this mess. Hear our cries! Remove the Kale side salad from the menu!